Let's Turn Our Thinking

We are constantly catching our kids doing something, but how often do we catch our children doing something good? Sometimes it's so hard to focus on the positive when it comes to anything in life, but man is it a game changer. I want to attempt to switch your thinking when you are cleaning and listening to your kids, or cooking dinner and your child is playing in the living room. Look for what they are doing right and when you see it, make a HUGE deal about it. When you can turn from constantly saying "no" or "stop that" to constantly exhorting and encouraging your child, then your child will want to please you and look for opportunities to please you. When you magnify the positive in your home it completely changes the environment in your home. Your children will be more positive and enjoyable because you are.

If you've read any of my other blogs you know I'm not completely against saying "no". I think that's RIDICULOUS and not at all how God deals with us, so it's not how we should deal with our kids. God always creates a boundary. He started all the way back in the garden of Eden. He said "you may not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but you may eat from any other tree in the garden". It's not Biblical to avoid the word "no" or "don't" with you kids, but it's also not Biblical to not give them a "yes" and give them the right choice after the "no" and to magnify that choice. For example "no you may not paint on the wall, but lets color over here with our crayons and coloring book." You say no to create the boundary and then also give them a yes.

You have to say no so that your child understands clearly what the boundaries are, but I do believe that "no" should not be said more than "good job" or "good choice" or "I'm so proud of you for sharing" or "wow you are so obedient and respectful". Our children have to feel like they are AMAZING in order to be amazing. They have to know that you are so pleased with them and happy with them just for being them.

Without this component being in our parenting we are unintentionally creating a child that feels they can never do anything right and can never satisfy you. Eventually they will just stop trying and become defiant and not care anymore what you say. I'm telling you, even when I changed my thinking in my classroom when I taught kindergarten, in a matter of 5 minutes I had a group of completely different children, just from magnifying what they were doing right. It automatically made everyone else want to do the right thing and created an atmosphere of acceptance, respect for each other, and the will to please.

This same thing will happen in your home when you can turn your thinking to "what good are they doing over there?". Normally you can find something positive and watch those sweet faces light up with the knowing that they are pleasing you. Eventually when they get older the revelation of how much God is pleased with them and watching to see them do something good will be revealed to them and they will be able to walk in that love and be obedient to God.